Facing Reality is not my thing..

i keep on dreaming that one day your love will be mine..
but now that i have the chance to..
i don't have the courage to say my feelings to you..
to say that i love you..
many things are disturbing my mind..
many things that i'm so afraid about.
i wanna hold your hand...
i want to be the reasons behind those smiles..
i need you..
and i love you so much..
if only i can say those words to you..
if only....
and now
it feels like i want to escape to this feelings...
i can't face it..
the results of this words...
i'm too afraid...
scared...
disturbed..
i'm frustrated to myself...
i want to.but i can't..
i love you,but i'm too afraid..
and all i can do is to dream..
dream that i already have you..
and let myself to enjoy to those foolish lies..
my courage can't fight this frightened feeling..
i'm sorry..
(for what?
hahahahaha!!!!!!)
i can't face reality!!!

A Stupid Human Being

I'm all but a failure,
to my studies,to my relationships,to my family and to myself..
but what can i do?
this is all i can say or ask...
"what can i do?"
a short question that is being asked by the foolish me..
and here i am
waiting for myself or by someone to answer this question..
and then someone told me that i already know the solution to this problem..
i think till i can't think no more..
and still i can't identify that answer..
it's funny because that other person knew that i know the answer..
HAHAHA!
I'm really a foolish person..
or much better a stupid human being..
i wanna surrender to this emotions...
i wanna be taken away to the dugeon of my heart
and stay for eternity..
you can say i'm a weakling cause i am..
i don't wanna try,
i'm afraid to try,
nothing can save me,
nothing can catch me from this fall..
i'm alone till the end..
and it's much better...
i don't want to add more people that will be affected to my actions..
i wanna be alone..
but i can't.

This is a letter for what I felt for a special girl in my life.
She's the only person that made me feel so much love for a girl.
I did this letter in a time that i'm under the influence of alcohol, but i know that i'm not that drunk and what i wrote is seriously for her.
I have a question for you.
Did you ever felt a kind of emotion that wanted to burst out from your heart when your under the influence of alcohol, but you could not express it in words and actions?
That is what exactly happened to me that day.
I just felt that I wanted to remove this heavy feeling inside my heart but i don't have anyone whom i can speak with. And she's not with me so I can't do any actions.
Then suddenly I got this idea to write a letter for her..this letter which are full of emotions.
and this is it..



the first time i saw you...
i could never realize that i will fall for you..
i thought i dont like you..
and i knew that i wouldnt love you..
but these thougths didn't last..
these thougths that hinder my emotions..
are not enough to put my true feelings on a cage...
my heart just wanted to say i love...
the cage was shattered and a few seconds later it was destroyed
i thougth i could finally show my feelings to you..
but when my heart is about to..
i just stop and wondered..
then i realized that not isn't the time yet..
because even though mine has escaped...
yours haven't...
it hurts me when everytime all i can do is say goodnight and sleep well..
times when i can't express my true feelings..
it's like a brand new cage...
but this one is funny..
cause it's not a cage from me..
but a cage from you..
a cage that's created because of me knowing you more...
and in the time i knew you..
i realized that your not ready..
but i'll wait...
i'm really going to wait..
for you..